Dave = Jerk

Nerding it up

2010-08-19T21:36:00.003-04:00

(short version at the bottom)

So only neb (see what I did there?) will read this, luckily he's the only one who will care.

I don't understand why Oracle would want to sue Google. Yes, JavaME was the only way that Sun made money (which means it's the only way Oracle will make money from Java) but they're shooting themselves in the foot by hurting Java's only Champion.

No one else helps people use Java. Apache was the champion before. They brought us Tomcat and thousands of other amazing libraries that everyone should be using. Spring sorta still is, but honestly I'm tired of thinking Spring is the new awesome. Everything they do now is soak up smart shit someone else thought of.

Google helps developers. With Google Web Toolkit (GWT), Google App Engine (GAE) and Android, they're the ones pushing new and exciting things and making Java EASILY ACCESSIBLE to developers. Want to make a webpage but don't know shit about javascript, use GWT. Want to create a website but you don't really want to pay for hosting because hosting java sites is way more expensive than their .NET equivalent (and you don't want to do php?) then you have GAE.

Want to develop a mobile app with basically NO BARRIER TO ENTRY and a very large customer base? That's Android for you. It's free, if you want to list it on the market, it's $25 (not sure if that's a yearly fee or not). You don't even have to pay that, and just distribute it on your own website (maybe the website you created in GAE). Seriously, Google has made it easy for Java Developers to get their stuff out there. They're the only ones who've taken an interest in Java.

Now Oracle, the company that has forever pushed out terrible shit, is getting pissy. Yes, their databases are good (although lest be honest, we're hitting the limits of relational databases). EVERYTHING ELSE ORACLE DOES IS CRAP. There's no reason to use it.

Remember 5 years ago when Ajax was the buzzword and everyone had to Ajaxify their websites to do cool things? Oracle took that concept and was like "we could use new technologies, but we don't want to. We'll create a hidden IFRAME, do a form post...then read the response, and update elements on the main page. To be fair, this was the only way to do it before people mistakenly found out about Ajax (the XmlHttpRequest javascript thingy). So there's no real issue. The problem is they rebranded all their old stuff by slapping the new buzzword on it.

This was a very annoying problem in their initial JSF controls (which I think they later submitted to Apache) because it brok the JSF lifecycle. But that's more of a JSF sucking than their own fault...maybe.

I've read quotes from the "Father of Java" about how Android fragmentation is the biggest problem in the world. "Seeeeee?!?! I told you Android will fail, there's too many devices and the update cycle is too fast and we can't keep up." I remember the Sprint CEO saying that he didn't want to get into the Android game because it was too unstable. What eventually happened? They released the EVO, and I think they had their first profitable quarter in forever. I'd really have to go back and look at the numbers to see that the EVO was on sale during that quarter, but for whatever reason I think that's what happened.

tldr version; Oracle, don't kill your best friend in the Java world, which unfortunately for privacy, is Google.

And you thought email lists were black holes.......

2010-01-28T15:15:00.003-05:00

An email I got at work.

Hello Dave,
Thought you might like to attend one of our webinars next month....

Alfresco WCM Roadmap
Next Tuesday, 2 February at 8am PST

This event is proving really popular and places are limited so sign up now.

My reply (if you shout what i wrote...and added the word b*tch it sounds better):

You thought wrong!

Now I know the title of my blog is Dave = Jerk...but I'm really a passive aggressive jerk. A minute later I got another email.

Dear Dave,

I'm very sorry to have troubled you - would you like me to remove you from our mailing list?

-somePerson

So what did I do? Like any other bully.....I backed down, apologized. I wanted to pull the "omg that was my brother/sister/sibling/coworker...i didn't mean it" but this has turned into me being pathetic enough.

Anyways (yes, I know it's not a real word) somePerson , you didn't write back...you still h8?

I can see hell already

2009-07-15T11:25:00.001-04:00

*this wouldn't fit into a gmail status, so here ya go*

[11:16] eastportdave: although i believe in the old testament, god was a guy
[11:16] eastportdave: he was much more of a dick
[11:16] coworker: true all vindictive and stuff
[11:16] eastportdave: and in the new testament, jesus was nicer
[11:16] eastportdave: so jesus was a woman
[11:16] eastportdave: OR (and this is my favorite theory)
[11:16] coworker: or gay
[11:17] eastportdave: jesus was a hippie that just wanted everyone to get along
[11:17] eastportdave: damn liberal!
[11:17] coworker: he WAS a hippie, with those sandals
[11:17] eastportdave: i know
[11:17] eastportdave: probably brown
[11:17] coworker: probably birkenstocks too
[11:17] coworker: he's like "lets see, follow the grateful dead or be the son of god, hmm"

Ohhhhh, so that's why

2008-05-30T13:03:00.002-04:00

Yes people, not too much has been going on in my life (well that's not entirely true) but thought you might enjoy this.

Dave: So, I think I'm gonna shave again, facial hair everywhere is just getting a little long. Stupid itchy crap.
Danielle: Wow, it's almost like you never want me to have sex with you again.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I will always have facial hair. A smooth-faced dave = a saddened-in-the-heart dave.

Music Spotlight: The Host

2008-02-18T09:44:00.004-05:00

I'm gonna start writing about new bands I enjoy that you wouldn't hear about on your dc101s or other mainstream means. Hopefully you guys enjoy

The Host - http://thehostband.com/
I don't know how these guys did it, but they made me absolutely not give 2 ish's about the words. That's not a negative comment, or me saying the singer is crap, it's just that the melody that the singer IS singing and the rest of the music just flow together so f'ing well. This track is called "On to the May" and I love the guitar. Absolutely love it. "Somebody else's love" is just my favorite line. Bravo.

Their myspace has three songs from their EP, and one extra. If you want to know, "Duel Rough Mix" is the one not on their cd, which is a shame...it's great. You can buy their EP through snocap on the myspace page for $5 or through their website thehostband.com for $7. The only good thing about paying $7 is that you get a sticker (woo?) but it adds more profit to the band.

There's a lot more music I've started listening to, and lately I've been spending more money on more non-mainstream bands. I'll write about some more bands I think you guys would like soon.

Oops, a lil mistake

2008-02-10T14:19:00.000-05:00

Danielle wanted to point out to me some inaccuracies found in my first blog post.

She says she didn't say "Oh don't worry, some of them are getting aborted."
She said "we killin' some babies."

Correction has been made. Far be it from me to make Danielle sound a little more classy

Weak Willed?!?! More like "Creature of Habit"

2008-02-08T09:22:00.000-05:00

This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, which means lent has started. For me it actually started a week and a half ago. My mom decided to give up wine, my dad decided to give up chips. So instead of throwing out what they had, they donated it to the "Danielle and Dave Love Wine and Chips" fund. Awesome. Three bags of chips (two were weird though like the chips that were really veges/fruits....) and 1 case of wine (6 bottles of white, 6 red). On a sidenote, Danielle had ordered a case of wine from a friend who works for a wine company about 2 months ago...it just now showed up. So, if you want to help us drink down the 24 bottles, come on over.

So anyway, back to lent. My cousin reminded me about it on Tuesday, and I forgot about it until this morning. Now I'm not exactly religious, but I figure "there's gotta be something that I love that's not good for me...how can I work the system so people think I'm a good person when it's really a selfish move?"

Problem: Give up something that's bad for you...kudos if you actually enjoy it too
Solution: Give up bad food/drink related stuff (one year in high school I gave up coke..so I spent 40 days and 40 nights drinking sprite).

I love chipotle, but I don't wanna give that up for 40 days. Danielle and I love going to Five Guys once every two/three weeks, and I don't wanna give that up.

I got it! Skittles. My company always has a bowl of skittles out for people to have. So if I go to the kitchen, I get some. If I go to the bathroom, I get some. If I just want some delicious heaven, I get some.

So that's the plan, no more tasting the rainbow for 40 days and 40 nights. Since I decided this all while in the shower, I'm now running late for work.

Get outta the shower
Get dressed
Get on the metro for work
Get into my office
Eat some skittles.

I literally held out for 45 minutes. That's all it took. I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was over. Bummer.

In a strange turn of events, I've decided to stop getting flashed in the men's locker room for lent. No jackass, I don't enjoy getting flashed. Yes jackass, it happened again. Critics said I was asking for it last time because I looked over in the sauna area. Not this time. The jerkass was right at the entrance stretching or some ish.

I need a new place to live.

Picking the perfect song....

2008-01-31T19:31:00.000-05:00

So, one of the tasks that an engaged couple has to complete is figuring out what their first song will be. Traditionally, it's a romantic one that's supposed to mean something to the couple. The problem with that is most traditional wedding songs are just really, really, sucktastic.

Some couples out there did a real fantastic job at this whole "pick a wedding song" thing. They're my heroes. I'm sure you've seen the video, but if not, here we go.

I was so inspired by this that I actually moved the couches around in my apartment to get some space. I like to call this "the magic space." So here I am getting my dance on in the apartment, and I look out the window. I had the blinds shut...but there's a little part that's just always uncovered. I happened to notice some people across the way. I don't actually know if they saw me, but I'd just rather not give them the chance.

So anyway, back to my plight. We established old traditional songs = crap. That means I gotta try and find some new ones. I've always been a fan of the piano, so I like this beginning. Let's take a listen.

The audio player is a little messed up, I had to hack to code so it didn't suckface, but I broke some functionality. If you want to hear the little sample again, hit the next or previous button and it'll start again. If you give me crap about it, you'll get a matt-style punch. More details on that later.

It's got the piano, a good melody, the guitar comes out nicely and it's not over the top. Pretty decent. Now that we got that outta the way, let's listen to the first couple of lines.

Ok, so I know I said the first couple of lines...but um...I just really had to stop there. How is that gonna be your opening line?!?! Wait, I know the deal. It's one of those sneaky songs where they give you the illusion that it'll be horrible...but they turn it around. So you know what, let's go for a second round.

Wow, I was really f'ing wrong. I know some bands have some filler songs (where they know it's not gonna be a hit) but I feel cheated. The singing isn't horrible, the words are just...well, they make baby jesus cry. Although, as much as I hate to admit it, there's still something missing. There's no explosion of emotion...and let's face it...don't you think this could be a lil emo band?

Oh for crying out loud. I just threw up a little. For those of you that are wondering, the song is called "Drunk Girl" (shocking, I know) and it's by a band I actually like called "Something Corporate." If you listen to the whole song, you'll notice that all of these samples were taken in the first minute. I've never actually heard the whole song. I've no clue if it actually gets any better. I don't care.

If any of you give me crap about the audio player and what I wrote above will fix it, then you get a matt-style punch. That means it's a punch in the vag.

Highs and Lows

2008-01-24T17:30:00.000-05:00

Best part of my day - I ran for an hour straight.
Worst part of my day - I now have Runner's Nipple

Can anyone explain tell me why the hell it's also known as Gardener's Nipple? Seriously gardeners, you're not a sport. Fucking wikipedia.

Goto gym? Check. See too much male anatomy? Check.

2008-01-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

WTF is WRONG with my gender?

After I do my aerobic part of my workout (running or ellipticaling), I just drip sweat. It's gross. It really is, there's gotta be something wrong with my sweat glands. The problem I face is, now I have to lift weights. So after stretching I just go into into the bathroom to get paper towels and just sorta wipe off. Plus, that works out because I like to yell at myself in the mirror and psych myself up.....a.k.a Doug-got-his-car-towed-from-his-own-apartment-complex style.

Like most gym's, there's a sauna. Here's the problem with this sauna, the door to it, complete glass. It's also infested with naked men. Usually no big deal, you just poke your finger in your eye so you don't have to see the 80 year olds.

Not today my friend. Not today.

There's some jerkass who's literally right at the glass door entrance. He's also stretching his back...and by stretching his back, I mean he's shoving his pelvis forward...towards the glass door. His head is looking up and his arms behind his back like this

Got a gross enough mental image in your head? Fantastic.

Ok fine, you justify to yourself that you didn't see anything and move on with your life. So now I'm at the sink where the paper towels are. I turn on the cold water, wet one of em, and just try to cool off. I'm a good person, I'm trying to eliminate the amount of sweat I get on the machines (and I actually wipe them off with this fancy smancy anti-gross wipes).

Outta the corner of my eye I see something odd. Of course it's in the direction that I don't want to look. But it's the same motion over and over, and it's going on for 30 seconds. It's kinda like that damn Apple Mac OSX dock where some application needs your attention. And it keeps just jumping up and down like a freaking jack russell terrier saying "click me click me click me" - yes I stole that joke from this guy.

So I look over and if the guy was doing what I thought he was doing, I was gonna call the cops. Turns out, he wasn't being a perv. He was doing situps. The kind where you bring your body and legs up to your knees. So what I saw was his feet coming in and out of view of that glass entrance. What the hell is wrong with my gender? Who does situps IN THE SAUNA?!?!?!?!

Seriously gym-goers. If you HAVE to go in the sauna, be mindful of your junx. We don't want to see it. If you HAVE to work out in the sauna, shoot yourself in the face first.

Sweet pillowtalk

2008-01-20T19:04:00.000-05:00

Dave: Ya know, you're one of my best friends, definitely in top two.
Danielle: ..... I think you're my 4th.
Dave: Really? Like...really?
Danielle: Yeah, good night.

As a side note, $10 says she stole my covers that night.

Hopefully working on posts that don't suck. Don't worry...they might be coming.

You know you found your soulmate when....

2008-01-14T15:44:00.000-05:00

Danielle and I were watching TV last night, and we wereflipping through the channels. The "Jon and Kate plus 8" show is what we decided to watch.

Synopsis of each episode they've ever put on televeision:
Kate: I constantly want to be pulling out my hair because I'm non-stop stressed about dealing with 8 kids - 6 of which are in their terrible two's/three's. All I ask for is when Jon comes home, he help me out a little. I know I'm mean and boss him around a lot, but I only do it out of love. Oh wait, it's not love, it's the fact that I'm used to ordering little kids around, and I just get used to barking at people.
Jon: I like it when your brother is around helping us out, you're nicer to me.* Also, this girl name Danielle keeps emailing me, says she wants my babies. Unfortunately I don't think it's a sexual thing, she legitimately wants to steal some of our kids.

Dave: So um, let's say you get pregnant with 6 babies.
Danielle: we killin' some babies.
* Dave and Danielle high five *

Welcome to my blog. You should read it because, chances are, it'll make you feel better about your life

* Jon actually said this.