Picking the perfect song....

So, one of the tasks that an engaged couple has to complete is figuring out what their first song will be. Traditionally, it's a romantic one that's supposed to mean something to the couple. The problem with that is most traditional wedding songs are just really, really, sucktastic.

Some couples out there did a real fantastic job at this whole "pick a wedding song" thing. They're my heroes. I'm sure you've seen the video, but if not, here we go.



I was so inspired by this that I actually moved the couches around in my apartment to get some space. I like to call this "the magic space." So here I am getting my dance on in the apartment, and I look out the window. I had the blinds shut...but there's a little part that's just always uncovered. I happened to notice some people across the way. I don't actually know if they saw me, but I'd just rather not give them the chance.

So anyway, back to my plight. We established old traditional songs = crap. That means I gotta try and find some new ones. I've always been a fan of the piano, so I like this beginning. Let's take a listen.

The audio player is a little messed up, I had to hack to code so it didn't suckface, but I broke some functionality. If you want to hear the little sample again, hit the next or previous button and it'll start again. If you give me crap about it, you'll get a matt-style punch. More details on that later.




It's got the piano, a good melody, the guitar comes out nicely and it's not over the top. Pretty decent. Now that we got that outta the way, let's listen to the first couple of lines.




Ok, so I know I said the first couple of lines...but um...I just really had to stop there. How is that gonna be your opening line?!?! Wait, I know the deal. It's one of those sneaky songs where they give you the illusion that it'll be horrible...but they turn it around. So you know what, let's go for a second round.




Wow, I was really f'ing wrong. I know some bands have some filler songs (where they know it's not gonna be a hit) but I feel cheated. The singing isn't horrible, the words are just...well, they make baby jesus cry. Although, as much as I hate to admit it, there's still something missing. There's no explosion of emotion...and let's face it...don't you think this could be a lil emo band?



Oh for crying out loud. I just threw up a little. For those of you that are wondering, the song is called "Drunk Girl" (shocking, I know) and it's by a band I actually like called "Something Corporate." If you listen to the whole song, you'll notice that all of these samples were taken in the first minute. I've never actually heard the whole song. I've no clue if it actually gets any better. I don't care.

If any of you give me crap about the audio player and what I wrote above will fix it, then you get a matt-style punch. That means it's a punch in the vag.

Highs and Lows

Best part of my day - I ran for an hour straight.
Worst part of my day - I now have Runner's Nipple

Can anyone explain tell me why the hell it's also known as Gardener's Nipple? Seriously gardeners, you're not a sport. Fucking wikipedia.

Goto gym? Check. See too much male anatomy? Check.

WTF is WRONG with my gender?

After I do my aerobic part of my workout (running or ellipticaling), I just drip sweat. It's gross. It really is, there's gotta be something wrong with my sweat glands. The problem I face is, now I have to lift weights. So after stretching I just go into into the bathroom to get paper towels and just sorta wipe off. Plus, that works out because I like to yell at myself in the mirror and psych myself up.....a.k.a Doug-got-his-car-towed-from-his-own-apartment-complex style.

Like most gym's, there's a sauna. Here's the problem with this sauna, the door to it, complete glass. It's also infested with naked men. Usually no big deal, you just poke your finger in your eye so you don't have to see the 80 year olds.


Not today my friend. Not today.

There's some jerkass who's literally right at the glass door entrance. He's also stretching his back...and by stretching his back, I mean he's shoving his pelvis forward...towards the glass door. His head is looking up and his arms behind his back like this

Got a gross enough mental image in your head? Fantastic.

Ok fine, you justify to yourself that you didn't see anything and move on with your life. So now I'm at the sink where the paper towels are. I turn on the cold water, wet one of em, and just try to cool off. I'm a good person, I'm trying to eliminate the amount of sweat I get on the machines (and I actually wipe them off with this fancy smancy anti-gross wipes).

Outta the corner of my eye I see something odd. Of course it's in the direction that I don't want to look. But it's the same motion over and over, and it's going on for 30 seconds. It's kinda like that damn Apple Mac OSX dock where some application needs your attention. And it keeps just jumping up and down like a freaking jack russell terrier saying "click me click me click me" - yes I stole that joke from this guy.

So I look over and if the guy was doing what I thought he was doing, I was gonna call the cops. Turns out, he wasn't being a perv. He was doing situps. The kind where you bring your body and legs up to your knees. So what I saw was his feet coming in and out of view of that glass entrance. What the hell is wrong with my gender? Who does situps IN THE SAUNA?!?!?!?!

Seriously gym-goers. If you HAVE to go in the sauna, be mindful of your junx. We don't want to see it. If you HAVE to work out in the sauna, shoot yourself in the face first.

Sweet pillowtalk

Dave: Ya know, you're one of my best friends, definitely in top two.
Danielle: ..... I think you're my 4th.
Dave: Really? Like...really?
Danielle: Yeah, good night.

As a side note, $10 says she stole my covers that night.

Hopefully working on posts that don't suck. Don't worry...they might be coming.

You know you found your soulmate when....

Danielle and I were watching TV last night, and we wereflipping through the channels. The "Jon and Kate plus 8" show is what we decided to watch.

Synopsis of each episode they've ever put on televeision:
Kate: I constantly want to be pulling out my hair because I'm non-stop stressed about dealing with 8 kids - 6 of which are in their terrible two's/three's. All I ask for is when Jon comes home, he help me out a little. I know I'm mean and boss him around a lot, but I only do it out of love. Oh wait, it's not love, it's the fact that I'm used to ordering little kids around, and I just get used to barking at people.
Jon: I like it when your brother is around helping us out, you're nicer to me.* Also, this girl name Danielle keeps emailing me, says she wants my babies. Unfortunately I don't think it's a sexual thing, she legitimately wants to steal some of our kids.

Dave: So um, let's say you get pregnant with 6 babies.
Danielle: we killin' some babies.
* Dave and Danielle high five *

Welcome to my blog. You should read it because, chances are, it'll make you feel better about your life

* Jon actually said this.