After I do my aerobic part of my workout (running or ellipticaling), I just drip sweat. It's gross. It really is, there's gotta be something wrong with my sweat glands. The problem I face is, now I have to lift weights. So after stretching I just go into into the bathroom to get paper towels and just sorta wipe off. Plus, that works out because I like to yell at myself in the mirror and psych myself up.....a.k.a Doug-got-his-car-towed-from-his-own-apartment-complex style.
Like most gym's, there's a sauna. Here's the problem with this sauna, the door to it, complete glass. It's also infested with naked men. Usually no big deal, you just poke your finger in your eye so you don't have to see the 80 year olds.
Not today my friend. Not today.
There's some jerkass who's literally right at the glass door entrance. He's also stretching his back...and by stretching his back, I mean he's shoving his pelvis forward...towards the glass door. His head is looking up and his arms behind his back like this
Got a gross enough mental image in your head? Fantastic.
Ok fine, you justify to yourself that you didn't see anything and move on with your life. So now I'm at the sink where the paper towels are. I turn on the cold water, wet one of em, and just try to cool off. I'm a good person, I'm trying to eliminate the amount of sweat I get on the machines (and I actually wipe them off with this fancy smancy anti-gross wipes).
Outta the corner of my eye I see something odd. Of course it's in the direction that I don't want to look. But it's the same motion over and over, and it's going on for 30 seconds. It's kinda like that damn Apple Mac OSX dock where some application needs your attention. And it keeps just jumping up and down like a freaking jack russell terrier saying "click me click me click me" - yes I stole that joke from this guy.
So I look over and if the guy was doing what I thought he was doing, I was gonna call the cops. Turns out, he wasn't being a perv. He was doing situps. The kind where you bring your body and legs up to your knees. So what I saw was his feet coming in and out of view of that glass entrance. What the hell is wrong with my gender? Who does situps IN THE SAUNA?!?!?!?!
Seriously gym-goers. If you HAVE to go in the sauna, be mindful of your junx. We don't want to see it. If you HAVE to work out in the sauna, shoot yourself in the face first.
2 comments:
I don't know what's more disturbing, the thought of a naked 80 year old man doing sit ups in the sauna or the fact that you used a picture of two children as your visualization tool for a story about naked 80 year old men.
I don't understand why the world is so obsessed with nudity? Can you come up with a real reason why it's "gross" or "wrong" to see genitals? The same goes for sexuality. So what if he was masturbating? People sit in massage chairs for pleasure publicly. It's time to quit being a drama queen, society.
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